Passive Aggressive: The Underlying Causes of Angry Love

From time to time people who are involved in committed relationships such as marriage or long-term relationships (i.e. boyfriend and girlfriend relationships) experience seasons when they are totally in love with one another.  There are other times, however, when these same individuals will experience seasons when they don’t care to be around one another, typically are not fond of each other and seemingly one person in the relationship always gets their way.  When people hit this stage in their relationship they are experiencing a love-hate relationship and what I would like to term as Passive-Aggressive Angry Love.  For definition purposes, the term passive-aggressive means to exhibit negative behavior or feelings of resentment in a non-assertive manner in order to yield a positive response to a situation or request.

In order to paint a clearer picture of how passive-aggressive angry love is displayed in a relationship, let’s take into account the relationship of Melody and Pete.  From the very first time that Melody and Pete became a couple, Melody has always done things in order to get her way within the relationship by sarcastically inferring that she does not need anything when asked by Pete.  However, overtime and after several attempts to bring happiness into their relationship Pete shut downs and becomes numb to Melody’s antics and as a result responds negatively toward her.

Based on the aforementioned illustration we can gather that some of the underlying causes of angry love stem from:

  1. Feelings of inadequacy;
  2. Feeling unappreciated and taken for granted;
  3. Feelings of resentment and bitterness;
  4. A display of manipulative or selfishness tendencies by someone within the relationship;
  5. A lack of effective communication skills within the relationship. Communication is one-sided verses being two-way;
  6. Love expressed does not feel reciprocated from their spouse or significant other; and
  7. Someone within the relationship has never experienced genuine love.

Nevertheless, there are some relationship experts who suggest that one of the most effective methods of combating passive-aggressive angry love is through self-reflection, dealing with present circumstances and confronting those issues that are presently relevant within the relationship.  Based on this assertion, it will be necessary that those persons who are involved in relationships will need to take a step back and not only analyze themselves but also determine what type of relationship they desire and make the necessary changes in order to obtain it.


Comment below and tell me if  you’ve ever been in a passive-aggressive relationship and how you dealt with that certain individual.

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